I'm Well Enough and Don't You Know to Leave Well Enough Alone?

Discovery has a new show about lobster catchers.

This is why I don't watch television anymore.

Let Freedom Ring

This morning I had a delicious breakfast before heading out to work for the last time this week. Before I left, I let our Chihuahua out to use the bathroom, (read: front yard). When I brought her back in she looked as pathetically sad to be put back into the kitchen as she always does. In a moment of genuine pity, I leaned over, gave her one last head scratch, and promised her that I'd play with her when I got home.

It's 11:11 and I still haven't played with her.

I know dogs don't understand English and Maggie certainly has no idea that I stood her up tonight, but the more I think about it the more I feel like a huge jerk. I'm going to stop writing now and see if I can't locate her favorite half-destroyed squeaking octopus. Then, it's time for sleep.

You're Disappearing and I'm Disappointed

I had something really really interesting to write about today and I can't because it may be "offensive." Even though you have no way of knowing what it was going to be, I just want to assure you that there is no reason for it to be offensive and if you would have been offended, you are relatively stupid. Those of you who would have found it thoughtful and entertaining - thanks for being on-board with me.

When I was a kid I used to imagine that I was incredibly important. I think we all thought that at one point or another. Did you? What I mean to say is, did you think that your decisions were going to matter to someone other than you and those closest to you? I hope all of us thought that, or some version of that growing up. How sad would it be to ask a kid what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said "documentation security specialist?"

"So, you don't want to be a doctor or a scientist or an astronaut?"

"Shucks no, mister! I want to fade into obscurity in a service oriented organization in Ohio!"

If everyone mattered to everyone else, no one would really matter at all. It's best to know that you matter to those you love - to God - and to be satisfied in your beautiful normalcy.

Add;Subtract;Multiply;Divide

My Calculator
Uses Calculator tape
It runs out often

This has been Nathan Presents: Haiku from the Office #001


Sometimes it really strikes me that the MythBusters have really run out of Myths to bust. This evening one of the myths was whether or not it was literally possible to knock someone out of their socks and them survive the force of the hit. They tested it, as always, with two lame experiments before (predictably) pulling out 500 lbs of explosives to blow the dummy legs up. Turns out your socks will not be knocked off and you still live to tell the tale.
I'm not even a scientist, or nearly a scientist for that matter, and I still find fault in some of their techniques. They are flawed experiments with too many variables unaccounted for to really say definitively one way or the other.

Having said that, I still watched for an hour to see the legs blown up. Score: 1-Discovery Channel, 0-Nathan.

Money Doesn't Grow on Trees, but Chocolate Does

I had a favorable weekend and to my own great surprise - a really pleasant Monday.

Here is the short list of highlights of things I did this weekend:
- Went to Greenville (to spend the night before D.C.); did not leave smelling like Greenville (bonus).
- Rode to D.C. with my friend Jeff.
- Saw the WWII monument with the fountains actually on this time.
- Saw Ford's Theater and the house across the street where Lincoln died.
- Went to National Zoo. Favorite animal: the sloth bear.
- Sailed on a 26 foot boat around Bath creek.


Here is the short list of things I would have done if I'd had $7,400,000 to blow:
- Hired my own cab for the day.
- Gone to lunch with George Stephanopolis, my treat.
- Walked through street in front of White house with a leaf blower, blowing around a hundred thousand $1 bills. Played it off like I was making a statement. Wait for someone to think it was deep.
- At least 30 more gas station coffees.
- Sailed in Bath Creek on a full size replica of the Queen Ann's Revenge.
- Purchased the sloth bear.

Despite the lack of funds, it was still almost a good. I got some pretty fantastic views of the sunset in D.C. on Saturday, the weather was great. I took some pictures but camera phones can only do so much - and "so much" usually involves recording my friends doing things that will embarrass them later.

Why is Palindrome Not a Palindrome?

You know how I know you're gay?

Does anyone else remember that skit? I forget where it's from (someone can post it in the comment section if you do know) but it is just two guys sitting on a couch playing video games and one of them says to the other one:

"You know how I know you're gay?....._________" and fills in the blank with some random thing about the other guy. Then the other guy returns in kind with the same phrase.

Yesterday I enjoyed a delicious dinner at Applebee's neighborhood grill and bar with longtime friend of mine, Matt Johnson. We sat down, Matt had a beer, I told a corny joke or two, we artfully critiqued the attractiveness of the waitress, but before any of this a funny thing happened. While the hostess - who was clearly in earshot - lead us to our booth, I casually said, "Matt, I really wish you would dress up a little nicer for our dates in the future," to which Matt quickly muttered cursing under his breath, presumably to reassure the hostess of his compete and undeniable heterosexuality, (as if his beard weren't evidence enough).

I've been single for a while now and it never occurred to me that I should avoid situations that may give the appearance of one who wasn't actively seeking a female compatriot. It isn't uncommon for friends of mine to joke around quite gay-ishly just to get a reaction, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if Matt was right. Maybe we should all be more mindful of our behavior as it could give the wrong impression to the pubic at large.

I would say lesson learned but I did just got back from Walmart where I purchased a pumpkin spice candle in a glass jar. Looks like I have some ground to make up.

A Passing Thought

On the way back to work from Kroger this afternoon (go hot bar) I had a passing thought. Think about the people in your life who aren't the primary characters, but are still close enough you feel you know them: your cousin, your old roommate, your buddy from church. How often do we hear stories from their lives that are of life-altering significance, but allow our over-clocked minds to water them down to bullet points on gossip lists?

So-and-so lost a job. So-and-so changed jobs. So-and-so is expecting a baby. So-and-so's mother died. We can't exude empathy for everyone, can we? Walk a mile in someone else's shoes doesn't mean walk a mile in everyone else's shoes. I'm not saying we're wrong for giving little more than a passing thought when we here of these things in the lives of others, I'm just sort of acknowledging it with a raised eyebrow and my weight in the back of my seat. How strange it is that each one of us lives out an infinitely complex drama of our own, day by day and elbow to elbow.

The only thing deeper than that, my friends, is a deep dish meat lover's pizza from pizza hut.
Time to anthropomorphize my chihuahua for a bit and go to sleep.